I generally get plenty of questions asked on how and when this feeling first overcame me. So without flowery grammar I believe you will find it easier if I just break it down.
I was about 12 years of age, staring up and the stars when I first grasped the actual concept of eternity.
For me it resulted in a burning sensation ( Some may interpret is as panic ) that filled the entire base of my brain.
The idea of everything and its meaningless over eternity , stripped me completely of any purpose. I felt trapped in a never ending cycle of despair and emptiness.
Philosophy, Drugs, and all methods of escape… I avoided. Knowing that with time all things are possible, but not necessarily probable. I figured this would be a good life, in order to learn to coexist with whatever this realization was.
I know from those looking at the outside in, they see this as a phobia. For those in the inside looking out, we know this is despair in its purest form. Conquer this beast, and the intent of our being becomes just that much more eternal.
I Strongly recommend if you do not know the suffering that those like us have experienced, please do not read through these pages. This is a Pandora’s box you do not want to open.
Rationale of Cards 1 through 10 Over the years , I personally became stuck in what may be called a logic loop. Existence and Time became an obsession in regard to which came first. Often leading to the question why anything exists at all. I kept questioning each hypothesis that was postulated over and over again. I became often engulfed by the indescribable despair and the total loss of purpose that often accompanies this initial phobia of eternity. I then began to realize that this pain, was not a defect but an adaptation. In order to survive, I literally had to change everything I thought existence was. These first 10 cards are just the beginning on how I personally reprogrammed my views in order to adapt. Humbly, Ralph Edward Turchiano
Rationale of Cards 21-30 Existence, infinity, reality, and dimension are a series of sets. These Sets are based upon the perception of what can be defined as identity. Identity itself is a series of sets, as it may be rare that any identity is purely homogeneous with itself. What is one, can be infinitely divided amongst itself. Where nothing is created, but simply divided. Later what may appear as being created, is simply a union of what originally was. Any Reality in itself within this context can have infinite possibilities as any division within itself, is never limited by itself, but by only what is perceived Proof most commonly applies to what can be repeated and is limited to the truth of what may not be repeated. Do not confuse Proof with Truth.