I generally get plenty of questions asked on how and when this feeling first overcame me. So without flowery grammar I believe you will find it easier if I just break it down.
I was about 12 years of age, staring up and the stars when I first grasped the actual concept of eternity.
For me it resulted in a burning sensation ( Some may interpret is as panic ) that filled the entire base of my brain.
The idea of everything and its meaningless over eternity , stripped me completely of any purpose. I felt trapped in a never ending cycle of despair and emptiness.
Philosophy, Drugs, and all methods of escape… I avoided. Knowing that with time all things are possible, but not necessarily probable. I figured this would be a good life, in order to learn to coexist with whatever this realization was.
I know from those looking at the outside in, they see this as a phobia. For those in the inside looking out, we know this is despair in its purest form. Conquer this beast, and the intent of our being becomes just that much more eternal.
I Strongly recommend if you do not know the suffering that those like us have experienced, please do not read through these pages. This is a Pandora’s box you do not want to open.